The Carney government is apparently committed to infrastructure investment, which in modern Canadian political dialect means: "We have decided to sell things you already own to people who will charge you more to use them." A CPP executive confirmed the pension fund is positioned to invest in airport privatization, using language so euphemistic it should qualify as creative fiction. The "right direction," apparently, is the one lined with consulting fees and long-term concession agreements.
Airports are uniquely positioned for this kind of value extraction—they are, by definition, where people go when they have no choice and cannot leave. Unlike a failing SaaS startup with a churn problem, an airport's customers are literally trapped in a terminal for hours. This is what financial engineers call a "resilient revenue stream." Civilians call it a hostage situation with duty-free shopping.
The CPP's enthusiasm was communicated through the kind of press release language that suggests someone paid a firm $400,000 to say "we think infrastructure is good." No actual economics were discussed. No mention of passenger outcomes, flight delays, or whether privatization has worked literally anywhere. Just a CPP executive standing ready—like a vulture at a picnic, sensing opportunity.
When government officials and pension funds start using the phrase "investors stand ready," translation: the real negotiating hasn't started, the public hasn't been consulted, and whoever eventually cuts the ribbon will congratulate themselves for their business acumen.
"Infrastructure Investment Readiness"
DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.