Canada Celebrates Discovery That Computers Can Do Things

The Financial Post has discovered something truly revolutionary: digital tools can democratize services. Stop the presses. Call Stockholm. A Canadian wealth management firm has apparently figured out that the internet exists, and the publication is treating this revelation like the invention of the wheel. What's next—a breathless investigation into whether email is faster than pigeon post?

The premise here is staggering in its mundanity. Services 'once limited to the ultra-wealthy' are now accessible to more customers via digital platforms. This isn't innovation—it's called capitalism in 2024. Every fintech company from Wealthsimple to Questrade figured this out a decade ago. Yet somehow, in Canada, this warrants headline treatment as though we've just discovered fire in a digital age when the rest of North America has already burned down three iterations of the same business model.

The breathlessness is the real story. 'Advances in digital tools,' the article gasps, as if algorithms and APIs materialized from the ether rather than being developed by thousands of engineers across the continent. The language—'shakes up,' 'innovative'—belongs in a press release written by someone who last used technology in 2015. This isn't disruption. This is the bare minimum pretending to be ambition.

Canadian wealth management circles are officially the last place on Earth where offering digital services qualifies as news. Everyone else moved on years ago. But sure, keep celebrating table stakes as if they're moonshots—that's the Canadian way.