AI INFLUENCERS SOLVE BODY DIVERSITY BY CREATING BETTER BODIESALBERTA'S HOTTEST OIL PLAY GETS HOTTER THROUGH MERGER MATHALTMAN CALLS REGULATORS 'PRODUCTIVE' WHILE BUILDING UNREVIEWABLE AIALTMAN: THE ERA OF TALKING REALLY GOOD JUST ARRIVEDCANADA REBRANDS ITSELF AS 'STABLE PARTNER' TO POLAND, STRAIGHT-FACEDNTT DATA REBRANDS SPREADSHEETS AS 'AI PLATFORM,' CHARGES ENTERPRISE RATESNUCLEAR STARTUP RAISES $50M IN TWO MONTHS, PHYSICS PENDINGOPENAI CLAIMS MATH VICTORY, FORGETS TO CREDIT THE HOMEWORK
Est. when term sheets
outnumbered good ideas
www.dumbcapital.com
North American VC & M&A News — Unfiltered, Unimpressed, Unprofitable
North America Edition
Saturday, September 12, 2026
Free (Like Your Equity)

Unicorn Watch

Billion-dollar valuations, down rounds, and the slow realization that a good pitch deck is not a business.

Opinion

Trump Defends Open AI While Accusing China of Stealing It

The administration has discovered that intellectual property protection works best when applied selectively to enemies.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Geopolitically Incoherent
Read full article →
Unicorn

Nuclear Startup Valued at $6B Despite Zero Reactors Online

Valar Atomics proves that in venture capital, fission is just another word for financial structure.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Criminally Optimistic
Read full article →
Unicorn

Altman Warns OpenAI's Flagship Model May Have 'Hiccups' Soon

Nothing says 'ready for prime time' like pre-emptively lowering expectations for your own product.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Preemptive Damage Control
Read full article →
Unicorn

OpenAI Researcher Launches $2B Drug Company Via PowerPoint

Miles Wang hasn't founded anything yet, but investors are already pricing his future regrets.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Frontier Fantasy Valuation
Read full article →
Unicorn

Travel Agency Achieves Unicorn Status on Single Round Math

Fora's $1B valuation on a $60M Series D suggests someone confused a travel itinerary with a cap table.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Margin Blindness Deluxe
Read full article →
Unicorn

Apple Discovers Irony, Sues OpenAI Over Poaching

The company that built its empire on recruiting talent from IBM, Microsoft, and Google suddenly discovers employee mobility is bad when it flows the other direction.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Strategically Oblivious
Read full article →
VC

Brand-Stacked VC Firm Raises $500M on Pedigree Alone

Chemistry Ventures proves that in venture capital, your last job matters more than your actual returns.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Resume as Moat
Read full article →
Unicorn

Mercor Doubles Valuation to $20B in Six Months, Details TBA

A company whose business model remains a mystery has mysteriously become twice as valuable.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Euphoria Pricing
Read full article →
Unicorn

AI Law Startup Norm Joins Unicorn Club on Pure Faith

Khosla Ventures pays $1.2 billion for a company that promises to automate the one profession most resistant to automation: lawyers.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Legally Braindead
Read full article →
Unicorn

Nearly 90 Unicorns Born This Year; Valuation Logic Dies

AI fever has transformed venture capital into a spray-and-pray confetti cannon where mathematical rigor goes to die.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Mathematically Incoherent
Read full article →
D

About DumbCapital

DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.

About Us  ·  Contact  ·  Privacy Policy