OpenAI and Anthropic discover that briefing lawmakers behind closed doors about existential cyber threats is excellent regulatory capture strategy.
Read full article →JPMorgan's CEO issues apocalyptic forecast while his balance sheet whispers: 'Everything is fine.'
Read full article →Peak Bay Area real estate absurdity achieved: sellers now pricing homes in vaporware derivatives.
Read full article →ComfyUI raises $30M, valued at $500M, proving that 'free software with control' is now a $16.7x revenue multiple business.
Read full article →Indian gig platform hits 1 million jobs milestone, investors somehow conclude this means profitability exists.
Read full article →While startup founders chase consumer 'disruption,' a quantitative trading firm just became the financial markets' undisputed monarch—by doing math.
Read full article →Company admits to Pentagon it cannot kill deployed AI systems, somehow this is not a dealbreaker for investors.
Read full article →Health Secretary's deregulation push rebranded as 'wellness opportunity' by investors who've never met a loosely-regulated protein they didn't love.
Read full article →Upscale AI proves that in venture capital, explosive growth and actual business results remain entirely optional.
Read full article →DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.