Nscale's pre-IPO convertible round proves that 'neocloud' is just a rebrand for the oldest, dumbest business model in tech.
Read full article →Forerunner Ventures plans to liquidate its entire $1.26B stake—because nothing says 'growth company' like your lead investor sprinting for the exits.
Read full article →When your mega-round exit strategy is 'just give them the stock,' liquidity has left the building.
Read full article →A sitting president and the world's most powerful chip CEO jointly dismiss existential risk onstage, proving either confidence in AI safety or confidence in regulatory capture.
Read full article →A partner's casual use of 'allegedly' about their own expansion reveals everything about VC real estate optimism.
Read full article →LIV Golf discovers that hiring famous athletes and burning hundreds of millions does not, in fact, constitute a business model.
Read full article →When the problem is unrealistic beauty standards, the 2026 solution is obviously more unrealistic beauty standards, but synthetic.
Read full article →Global infrastructure giant discovers that adding 'AI-powered' to 15-year-old monitoring dashboards justifies another round of consulting fees.
Read full article →Commerce Secretary's blessing proves that in Washington, a months-long clash can be resolved with a simple public declaration of faith.
Read full article →Two AI firms attempt the impossible: convincing investors they'll print money while assuring regulators they won't accidentally end civilization.
Read full article →DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.