World's dominant AI chipmaker makes sweeping infrastructure claim with exactly zero specifics or timelines.
Read full article →NEA's Tiffany Luck discovers that moving fast and breaking things extends to balance sheets.
Read full article →Axios celebrates a number so divorced from cash that even venture capital is blushing.
Read full article →Justin Ernest bypasses fund-raising by deploying half a billion dollars from a 'captive network,' proving venture capital is networking with better lighting.
Read full article →After three years of 'this changes everything,' the market discovers that paying billions for AI doesn't actually replace workers.
Read full article →The discipline-obsessed VC firm finally abandons its quaint $425M fund cap, proving even legends succumb to FOMO when everyone else is raising billions.
Read full article →AI chip startup raises $650M to stop making chips, proving the entire thesis was always software theater.
Read full article →A $965 billion valuation on $65 billion in fresh capital proves that in 2026, mathematical relationships are merely suggestions.
Read full article →A growing coalition warns Bill C-22 will trigger mass exodus—conveniently ignoring where their companies actually operate.
Read full article →With buyout value down 82% month-over-month, the industry's favorite financial engineering suddenly requires actual fundamentals.
Read full article →DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.