When your core product tanks public opinion, apparently the solution is to save humanity—at least until the next quarterly earnings call.
Read full article →When your five-year plan hinges on admitting you don't know what you're doing, you've entered a new era of CEO candor.
Read full article →Big Tech's capex splurge makes the dot-com bubble look like prudent financial planning.
Read full article →Turns out building synergies across an imaginary border is harder when there's actual tariffs.
Read full article →An AI accounting startup hit $1B valuation after a board meeting pep talk, because apparently spreadsheets no longer require numbers.
Read full article →AI-native accounting startup hits $1B on math that would make a forensic auditor weep.
Read full article →The retail giant abandons its proprietary payment religion just as the market moved on without it.
Read full article →With 12:01 a.m. Wednesday looming, dealmakers discover that strongly-worded statements do not, in fact, stop trade wars.
Read full article →PE firm discovers that waiting in line online is a problem worth solving repeatedly.
Read full article →Axios discovers that finite capital going to data centers means less money for literally everything else, then reassures us this is fine.
Read full article →DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.