Generalist thesis meets mathematical inevitability: spray $450 million at enough startups and something has to work.
Read full article →Wall Street's president describes the bank as a 'human assembly line' while insisting the robots will merely 'restructure' the organization—a masterclass in having your layoffs and denying them too.
Read full article →Nothing says confidence in recovery like betting two decades of cash on the sector everyone else is fleeing.
Read full article →Private equity funds that paid peak-hype valuations for bloated SaaS now discovering generative models don't care about their IRR assumptions.
Read full article →Claude's impressive chatbot chops apparently justify a $50B valuation expansion with zero pressure to explain unit economics.
Read full article →When a mega-fund announces real estate plays to justify AI valuations, you know the narrative is running on fumes.
Read full article →Claude's maker achieves unicorn status by competing against free ChatGPT while burning cash at venture-approved velocity.
Read full article →The startup has discovered a revolutionary pricing strategy: charge based on what OpenAI's board meetings probably cost.
Read full article →Canada's largest bank expands US presence by betting AI and quantum will predict earthquakes, a scientific frontier that has humbled actual seismologists for centuries.
Read full article →Government signals airport privatization readiness; investors 'stand ready' to extract value from captive passengers with nowhere else to go.
Read full article →DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.